Parents, Discipline your Child Appropriately not Abusively: The Top 5 Things Children can do because of abusive parents

A parent-child relationship must be balanced, not less and not of too much love. Parents must differentiate the words: 'selfless love' and 'selfish love'; And usually, the second one unknowingly happens to them due to their overflowing love for their children, making them too controlling & abusive. 

According to a verse found in Proverbs (Proverbs 25:16), "Too Much Of A Good Thing Is Bad For You!"; is the same thing as giving too much love to your child, which will definitely make you regret it in the future. These may lead to permanent or long-term physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and social damage in a child's development as he grows older, without parents being aware of it.

While it is natural for parents to want the best for their children, it is still crucial to be aware of the potential pitfalls of being too controlling. And that's why I list down The 5 Things Children can do because of abusive parents.

1. They'll remember what you did

    

Children at a very young age remember anything you did to them. They'll remember that you pointed a finger at them, shouted at them, and were angry at them without giving any reasonable explanations.

Just like me, back when I was 4-5 years of age, my mom used to hide her phone in our laundry basket with dirty clothes to hide her dishonesty, that she was cheating on my father. Until now, at the age of 23, I still remember every detail of the lapses my parents cause to my mental health at a very young age. See?? that's why I believe kids have the innate common sense to know the good and the bad things more than adults do. That's why for all parents, I warn you to be careful of how you treat your child/children because you might not know if they'll still acknowledge you in the future.

2. They can possibly deny you 

It's not impossible for a child to deny his parent if they became abusive to him starting from an early age. Abused children can develop complex trauma and can carry the burden of the trauma up until he grows up. If a child is tired of the parent's controlling behavior, he could possibly deny them for being their parent. To the extent of he doesn't know them anymore. This doesn't means permanent and is not impossible but somehow, can be a long-term trauma for the child, and could affect him/her in any area of his/her life.

3. Their behavior will change

"A man reaps what he sows" (Galatians 6:7-9). If you treat your children well, that treatment shall reflect based on their behavior. But what if you'll ask me, "Ms. Jen... I always treat my son well and even spoil him. I always provide him with whatever he wants. I gave him the phone to play with when he wants it and everything else, but why he still shouts at me and is being too aggressive?". My answer would be, Exactly the point! You've given him all your love without discipline. This blog isn't all about being too abusive alone but also about being balanced in the area of parenting. 

It doesn't mean you treat them well; they'll also treat you well, but it matters how you balance both discipline and right control over your children without going over the boundaries of their freedom.

4. Children have a strong sense of willpower (do not under-estimate them)

Every born child is different. Some choose to stay with their parents until adulthood hits them and live away from them when they've found an escape room to fight for their freedom. But most of the child on their very young ages, are strong-willed. They want to learn things for themselves rather than accept what others say. But this behavior is quite dangerous, I'll tell you in a bit.

I want parents to be more careful of their treatment of their children both of discipline and love balanced. As I knew someone a friend of mine who at the age of 6 years old, walked away from his abusive parents for maltreating him and his sisters. As a young boy, his duty was to protect his sisters from his abusive father, that according to him was always being unreasonable. His parents always get mad at them whenever they come home from the farm. 

For defending his sisters, he let his father beat him up while he's inside a hanging sack of rice. And that is what made his decision at an early age to walk away and escape from the hands of his abusive parents, and lucky enough, a lot of good people passed over him for adoption.

5. They will lose respect & empathy for you 

Children value respect more than control, they do not understand why you're controlling them, but they do if you give more respect and value to their feelings. We need to understand that children have their personal feelings as well. And that they also know what respect means even though no one taught them about it. 

If you consistently repeat the same discipline to your child as if he didn't hear it, you'll not giving him the opportunity to learn and develop the skills and identity he wanted for himself. Don't get to the point that your child will lack respect for you and doesn't feel empathy for you, for taking away their right to decide on things they want for themselves. As much as possible, do not fail to show them respect, by allowing them to do other things they want for themselves, and feel empathy for what might your child feels like when you control them too much.

While it is natural for parents to protect and guide their children, it is crucial to strike a balance between control and independence. Being too controlling can stifle a child's development, strain the parent-child relationship, and hinder their ability to become confident and resilient individuals. Parents should aim to provide guidance, support, and opportunities for their children to learn and grow independently. By nurturing independence, parents empower their children to become capable, self-reliant individuals who can navigate life's challenges with confidence.

Now you know some of the things that the Children might do if you become an abusive or controlling parent, let's also take a look at A Christian's Guide to Become a Good Parent on my next releases. So, stay tuned! for updates.